New Game Runs At 1079p, Riots Ensue

Resolution has, for some reason, been a pretty hot topic in the gaming industry recently. Apparently it’s worldwide news when a game runs at 1080p and people would flip their shit if it’s any less than that precious number. Personally, I think this is a pretty stupid thing to argue about and get upset over even if I do see that the next generation of gaming should run at the highest resolution and framerate possible. But it seems this phenomenon has jumped the shark recently.

Amaze Games have announced their new console dystopian shooter, Warguns, and while the community was initially excited about this game, everything changed the moment the developer said that the game would run at 1079p due to some engine restrictions. The moment the announcement went live, NeoGAF exploded in traffic and Reddit nearly crashed from people saying that this game is not even worthy to grace their disc drives. A Reddit member by the name of BigMan420 commented: “This is a travesty. A pure sacrilege of our beloved gaming medium. This game should burn in eternal gaming hell for not giving us the graphical fidelity that we deserve. This offends me, it genuinely offends me.” BigMan420 was found hanging from a noose in his closet with the words “1080p or nothing” carved into his chest.

The second event that took place was a mass demonstration outside of the developer’s studio with people burning tires and Wii Us (because honestly who cares about that thing?). People were waving placards that read “Resolution is my life’s blood” and “I didn’t buy an expensive ass TV for this shit” and so on. One protester that goes by the name of John Fist gave us the following statement: “I bought a PS4 to experience gaming in its most beautiful form and these monsters, these remorseless animals, have the nerve to make their game below my standards. I will not put up with this. I won’t live in a world where this my reality.” After giving this statement, John poured gasoline all over himself and did a ritualistic self-immolation in a circle of PCs.

After wading through countless empty Cheetos bags and fedoras, we made our way into the developer’s office in order to get their side of the story. Creative director Hank Wood  gave us the following statement: “Really, this is what got people upset? Our game looks like a Call of Duty ripoff and they complain about this? You know what, fuck it, I might as well say it. We are developing this game because we wanted enough money to go to Vegas and make it rain in strip clubs. We even planned to implement microtransactions that charged you to unlock chapters in the campaign because we don’t even care. I’m saying all this because people are still just going to complain about the one P that’s missing.”

Riots have been getting worse by the hour and it seems that the office will eventually burn down. Resolution is serious business and it’s in your best interest to remember that, developers. Your mortality depends on it. Apparently.

Name: Marko Swanepoel
Location: Vereeniging
Position: Author, Features & Columns

Marko has published 526 posts. Read all of Marko's posts.

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