Abyssal Pixels: Gaming Has Probably Saved My Life
Yes, it bloody hell has. Since there’s absolutely nothing new happening in the gaming world right now and the Great Gaming Drought of July Releases has only recently ended, I’d like to write a personal column before we get smothered in games once again. You see, I haven’t had the best of days recently. Quite frankly I would say I was borderline depressed and melancholic. Some of you regular readers might have noticed it in my recent articles where I haven’t been as humorous as I usually am.
It all started when university started back up for the second semester. My timetable is brutal to say the least and I’m sometimes in lectures for 5 hours straight without the slightest inkling of a break. After a grueling day filled with exhaustive work and general physical strain (campus desks were made for jockeys and circus midgets it seems and I’m in constant discomfort with my enormous body) I head back home only to be too tired to do anything. What usually happened is that I would come home, sleep till 2 or 3 am, do my work for the next day and then fall asleep again until I have to wake up to do it all over again. Added to that, my weekends were filled with things I had to do that prevented me from just taking the day off and getting rest.
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You may be asking yourself “sweet Hell, it feels like I’m reading a blogpost, am I not on a gaming website?”. Well yes you are my good sir/madame. How this all pertains to gaming is that I did not play games for three whole weeks. I played a tiny bit one morning just because I had a small amount of free time, but there was one week where my gameplay tracker didn’t even register one single hour of game time. Suffice to say, I was emotionally damaged at this point. I was beyond depressed and even had some suicidal thoughts at one point. My life became this big ball of depression and exhaustion. It truly messed me up.
This got me thinking, this is not the first time I’ve felt this way in my life. I’ve always been a depressive and sometimes suicidal person and if you know my full history, you would understand why. I’m not going to delve into it much because most of this can be found on my blog. But something that was constant throughout these bouts of depression was that I didn’t play games. In all those situations, I could not play games because of various reasons and this caused me to go into a spiral of melancholy and self-hatred. When I got the chance to play games again, I was fine. I believe the term would be “couldn’t be happier”.
That’s what gaming was for me throughout my troubled life. It was my way of releasing all my depression, anxieties and doubts about the direction of my life. Instead of wallowing in my depressive situations, I would invest myself into a fictional world with fictional people and just escape from all of it and not even worry about it. Without it, I would be lost. I would be stuck inside a jail that took all I had to escape from. If I had gaming, I would not even consider picking up a knife and slashing my arms with it and just ending it all.
I believe that’s why I’ve been such a passionate gamer for so long. It was the only method I had to just release my burdens and be carefree for a while. I truly think gaming has saved my life. If I didn’t have it, I would have been dead a long time ago and I don’t say that lightly. It’s truly that important to me that my mortality is dependant on it.
You would be excused to think that this is just the ravings of a chunky emo boy that writes dark poetry in the dark and wears manliner, but this is genuinely how I felt, no bullshitting whatsoever. It’s rather personal, but I don’t really care because I need to explain why I love gaming so much. It’s my savior.
Don’t worry, I won’t kill myself anytime soon. I still need to play GTA V. And then get an Xbox One. And then earn every achievement there has ever been.