Someone Somewhere Is Trolling The Entire Gaming Industry
We’ve all said our share of really dumb things over the years. Whether it’s something small and forgiveable or something that has ended relationships and ruined lives, we’ve all had our share of derps in speech. We rarely ever mean to say these things, sometimes they’re just a small spike in our tempers, sometimes it’s just a bit of unkempt over-confidence and sometimes you just can’t help yourself.
A short while ago I actually told a senior figure in my household (I’m not saying who) to shut up, immediately feeling bad about it and apologising, but too late. The damage was done and there would be hell to pay, for it. Did I mean what I said? Of course not. But there was this little demon inside my head that got the better of me for a split second and it was enough.
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Sometimes when I think of the gaming industry, I wonder if there are similar such demons in the heads of executives and people in charge of things, when they give statements or commentary on this, that or the other subject matter. Because surely they are not thinking straight…
Let’s find some empirical evidence of this by looking at recent statements made by various people. During Microsoft’s PR nightmare saga, Don Mattrick said that the company already has a console for those without internet connections, called an Xbox 360. Ubisoft’s CEO Yves Guillemot was quick to point out that he doesn’t think the next generation of consoles will be the last generation. Meanwhile, Sony were busy saying that indie developers don’t need consoles, because it wasn’t fucking obvious already, I guess. I don’t know what’s going on right now, but just what the actual fuck were any of these articles about?
And then I read another gem of an article from Ubisoft yesterday, in which the company very boldly proclaimed that the only new IP that is considered by the publisher, is that which can be turned into a franchise. Well, fuck. Someone call up Naughty Dog and tell them that they can’t do The Last of Us.
Just try and imagine how many games that are like The Last of Us, Ubisoft must have turned down over the years.
And what about ZombiU? Was that meant to be a franchise as well? Are we now going to be expecting annual releases of Watch_Dogs, Far Cry, Assassin’s Creed (too late on this one) and all the rest? Do I even want to know what’s going on with Beyond Good & Evil 2?
That was the most retarded comment that a publisher could ever make. And yet I can’t help but feel that in their limitless hubris, they made that statement with all the booming pride and joy of a high school bully who thought that his domination of five other kids at once made him instantly the most likeable and desirable person around. When really, everybody was cursing him under their breath and wondering where Headmaster Newell was, to shut this kid the fuck up.
In my head I picture some sort of advisor the likes of Wormtongue, if you’re a Lord of the Rings fan, giving the absolute worst advice to these executives who are smiling and simply going with it instead of stopping and questioning their actions.
How can it seem so blatantly easy to us as gamers to not say certain things, yet the gaming industry is unaware of the impact of these words…
It boggles my mind.
I can think of so many other examples where this is the case but I need look no further than Microsoft’s recent PR nightmare saga, after the Xbox One was revealed. They made statements that it was the future of gaming and that’s perfectly fine, but then they went and said that they were over-delivering on value and that always-online was the future and just fucking no. At the time it was as if every single word uttered by a Microsoft executive was another nail in the coffin for the recently announced next-gen console. Seriously, what kind of idiot went up to the guys at Blizzard, Maxis and Microsoft and told them that an always-online system would work and that it’s not DRM?
Surely they realised at some point that they had erred, right? I mean, all three of those companies have since done away with, or shown an interest in doing away with the always-online component of their games, no doubt thanks to abhorrent amounts of bad press. But why were they so convinced in the first place? How convinced, you might ask? Well, this convinced, I guess. There’s a funny joke if ever I saw one.
Whether it’s the annualisation of games, sequelitis, appealing to the Call of Duty crowd (looking at you, Dead Rising), trying to implement disastrously unworkable systems such as always-online and cloud-sharing, or just making retarded and possibly harmful statements, it’s clear that someone somewhere is having a right old troll and the gaming industry is falling hard, for it. Stop feeding that troll, gaming industry, stop being retarded and thinking that anything you do will work out. You don’t shit gold, and you never will.
Stop and think, for fuck sakes.