Video: A Tribute To The Wii U, For All It Has Done For Next-Gen
If you suffer from “too long, didn’t read” syndrome, the video up above covers the content, courtesy of me! Below is if you’re unable to watch or would rather read.
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Did I ever tell you, the definition of insanity?
That would be, the fact that you didn’t buy a Wii.
No one has a Wii U, so fuck you we won’t be at E3.
We’ll just try to forget that we named our console after pee.
Come on gamers, do we really have to be at E3 each time?
You know that we’ll just announce Mario, Zelda and Metroid Prime.
Being a one trick pony is definitely not a crime.
Tell that to all your kids who use a Wii on your dime.
We’ll beat these horses dead until they’re nothing but turd slime.
Do you know why we chose to make the Wii white?
It’s not because we’re racist or against the Xbox out of spite.
We simply know when we are completely right.
Purple is gay, black is cliche, and the Xbox can go fly a kite.
The Wii is a man’s machine, and it takes gaming to new heights.
Do you have any idea how much time you’ve spent waving your hands?
The Wii is better than everything in the world, but gamers don’t understand.
Not even Master Chief can compete with Super Mario Land.
So keep poking fun, we’ll just play with our Wii Wii as sales expand.
All the kids, casuals and mentally challenged know.
That the true path to life is with Nintendo.
We laugh at Sony for actually trying to sell a PSP: Go.
And we mock Microsoft’s Kinect for simply being a no-show.
The Wii will rule the world, its white will glow.
The Wii U is absolutely not a fail.
In fact we’d say for next-gen it’s the holy grail.
But Nintendo, you’re six years behind the Sony and Microsoft trail.
The Wii U actually can’t even make a sale.
Silence you bunch of wheener whales.
Nintendo rules, and to all the PR guys our checks in the mail.
Do you know why we can sell you so many games about a plumber?
I don’t know Nintendo perhaps the gaming audience is getting dumber?
No you clueless fool, your lack of insight is such a bummer.
It’s because most of you gamers are kids in a slumber.
Neither Sony or Microsoft could ever steal our thunder.
Secretly the entire world is merely a Nintendo lover.
If that’s what you think Nintendo, then why is the Wii U so bad?
There are so little games it’s pretty damn sad.
You threw away all the next gen potential that you had.
And the way you tacked on current-gen games makes me mad.
Aren’t you over-compensating, just a tad?
Are you tired of the kids and old people, your biggest market for the Wii fad?
Hold your tongue, fanboy, Nintendo shall not listen to thee.
We are way too fucking hipster to be at E3.
We’ll dominate next-gen, just you wait and see.
Mario, Zelda, Kirby, Metroid, Donkey Kong, these are our intellectual property.
We’ll release twenty five more of these and our minions will fall to one knee.
Shouting hail Nintendo, pledging their loyalty.
So you can shove your invisible PS4 and XboxTV.
Do what must be done, and buy a Nintendo Wii…U