7 Wondrous Holiday Locations In Gaming… Maybe…
The perfect holiday destination.
We all enjoy a superfluous location with the sole purpose of relaxation. Even if you are a workaholic, your body will remind you sooner or later that you need to take a breather while knocking back piña coladas, one after another, with a rainstorm overhead.
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Some people enjoy the ocean, others the open landscapes with blades of grass as far as the eye can see, while others won’t necessarily care where they’re headed, as long as it’s away from home and work.
I bring to you the following locations to escape from the monotonous drag that life so regularly turns into, even if it offers just a little escapism for a few minutes.
Ah, yes. The UAC offers a five star experience for those of you who enjoy your getaways with grey, ill-lit and blood-smeared corridors.
Their corridors feature a wide array of fun to be had, including the luxurious PDA’s with nervous people talking about strange voices, failed experiments, work-related injuries caused by heavy machinery meant for opening portals to hot places, alongside a large group of staff just dying to show you the sights of the UAC and the various demons that inhabit all the crawlspaces.
Couple that with a highly regarded scientist with a laugh capable of lifting the hairs from the back your neck and flickering lights to enhance the mood.
A must for anyone seeking a place of enjoyment on Mars. (Enjoyment alongside severed limbs.)
For those of you seeking a grey, bleak and plague-infested, yet beautiful looking city, look no further.
The city of Dunwall offers a four and a half star experience, providing the traveler with rats gnawing at their ankles with proper, well-spirited enthusiasm.
When arriving at Dunwall, you’ll receive a complimentary talking heart. Hearty will provide you with the latest fashion tips, local radio stations and many more. Hearty also loves a good gossip session, telling you about everyone and their pet rat’s secret.
Room service will continue to amaze while visiting Dunwall. Reason for that being the revolutionary Blink Room and Courier Service. Your food arrives at the door before you’ve had a chance to sign the letter containing your order.
Last, but certainly not least, don’t forget about the tour guides lurking in the shadows. Their creepy masks and pointy objects will provide for an unforgettable travel experience. You won’t see them, but rest assured; they’re there.
Spec Ops The Line
While Dubai is to be considered a great destination for some, I’d rather direct your attention to this lovely version of Dubai featuring quite a variety of architecture designed to look like it’s destroyed and almost everybody having departed their Earthly vessels littering the way to show you to your room.
Loads of White Phosphorus fireworks and the Leaking Water Truck Catering Service™ await those seeking the ultimate adventure.
A week in this location is bound to change your life. Take a whiff of the gunpowder and decomposing residents and you can be assured to have a unique and thought-provoking experience.
For those of you yearning for a course in getting to know your holiday destination; Yager Resorts proudly presents: “YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON!”
Be sure to bring the kids.
Inviting you to a joyous reunion with your Secret Admirer, Slender Inc. invites you to their very own auspicious and All-Time Night-Infused Forest. Every object and natural tree will look suspicious. Your fees will grant you the privileges of a flashlight, poor stamina and loads of piano crashes.
A must for the folks who are unsatisfied with their unsoiled pants.
Fallout New Vegas
If you’ve been a recent victim to a fatal gunshot wound to the head, why not clock in at New Vegas Resorts?
Where mutants, giant flies and bandits will assault you for very little reason while your maths teacher provide the results of your efficiency in battle.
Barren wastelands will be a true companion if you’ve recently escaped from an insane asylum and desire a change of scenery. A change of scenery guaranteed to provide a desire to rob everyone around you.
Radiation, here we come!
Satan’s Mask Mansion will astound couples who seek a romantic getaway. If you want to impress your dearly beloved, no matter what the occasion, be sure to visit.
Creaky corridors, hungry creatures, hallways with no aroma other than layer upon layer of dried blood, talking masks and a kidnapped girlfriend guaranteed!
Perhaps you have felt that your love life needed some spicing up? A boyfriend laying in a puddle of his own blood, reaching to whatever chance he can get to rescue his kidnapped girlfriend coupled with a sadistic talking mask giving you a second chance, while buffing you up from a scrawny bloke to a body-builder shaped maniac, will do the trick and get some blood pumping again.
Does ripping off a monsters arm and slamming his buddies against the wall with it sound like a relaxing proposition for you and your true love?
Look no further.
The strong aroma of blazing-hot brimstone filling your nose. A crowd of locals cheering you on as you sprint across the room to kiss your woman. Wait. Sorry, that is actual brimstone burning through your nose and walls made from damned people screaming in agony while you try to free your woman’s soul from Lucifer himself. My bad.
We offer an experience so unique it cannot be measured in a rating consisting of 5 stars; we’d rather opt for a system consisting of 9 circles. 9 circles smelted together with pure agony and damned riches.
We strive for a relaxing and joyous experience, however briefly.
A Note From Your Travel Agent:
We regret to inform you that we weren’t able to find a perfect getaway location for you and your family.
Customer satisfaction is our number one goal and we recommend the seven joyous locations above, hand-picked with all the care in the world to ensure you a wondrous trip.
Please provide feedback upon your return.
The Cuddly Bunny Traveling Team