DmC II In Planning Phase — Dante May Be Giant Lizard
Following the massive user backlash that DmC: Devil May Cry has been getting, Ninja Theory have stepped up to the plate and asked fans what they would want from them with regards to Dante’s appearance. Most of the hate has come from Dante looking “emo” and “faggish” to the more intelligent and socially superior gamers out there in the world. Their benevolence and absolute grandeur have been requested by the lowly Ninja Theory community managers to come up with a better suited appearance for our young demon slaying hero for their next installment in the reboot.
Ninja Theory are hesitant to release some of the ideas that these particular magical individuals gave because of their mind numbing greatness, but they did release a few prototypes just so we can experience the majesty.
Let’s look at these biblical ideas shall we? Note: Some of you male readers may experience exploding of the testicular area and some of the female readers might experience spontaneous combustion of panties.
- Dante is a giant lizard. His main weapon is the GoDZilla and his love interest is a donkey that has mutated into a giant wombat. The game takes place in a giant city with giant demons so Dante will be normal in size just to fill that loophole.
- Dante wears a swag hat and a shirt that says “YOLO” and uses the phrase “what is up hizzy” a lot. He is, in fact, still a Caucasian male and enjoys long walks to the beach and The Pet Shop Boys. His weakness is hot sauce.
- Dante’s hair is white and in an emo fringe. The Classic, this submitter stated before he tragically committed suicide with a damp washcloth and a Justin Bieber Discography.
- Dante has tattooed sleeves and an amazing back piece that is a pony fused with a man wearing a top hat and monocle and eating yogurt with a golden spoon made out of orphans. He is constantly on fire.
- Dante is white. Not the ethnic kind, no, he is purely white from head to toe. When he activates Demon Mode he turns a hot pink and the soundtrack to My Little Pony plays in the background. He has at least 16 sexual partners.
- Dante is a lab technician by day and a playboy at night. He sets apart 3.491 hours a day to fight demons with his TeslaROD and his EinsTeinal. Every piece of dialogue he speaks has a dick joke in it.
- Dante is an angel. Not the one with the halo on top with wings, one of Charlie’s Angels. To protect the company from lawsuits they had to rename Charlie to Carlos Fucking Metastasis. The other two “Ang3ls” are called Rubert and Bob and they both work nights at the local bakery AKA “The Lair”. Dante’s eyes burn at the sight of hot dogs.
- Dante looks exactly like he does in Devil May Cry 4, but this time his coat can transform into a Dog Raccoon hybrid. Dante became a ballerina because he had to “put all my style and finesse into something I love”.
- Dante is a black man that uses breakdancing as a form of stylish combat. His views on the stereotype of black men in society are firm and unmovable and he will strive hard to be unique in any or all aspects. The soundtrack is entirely composed of Tupac.
- Dante is an orphan of a highly feared demon and a goat. His main objective is climbing a city that’s basically an enormous Nicki Minaj. The entire game has a laugh track done by Heavy Metallers.
Ninja Theory thought it was fit to ask the community what they wanted the next Dante to look like and how the game should be because if their infinite knowledge and brilliant commenting skills. They have also recruited many of the Metacritic user reviewers to help out with the game because they seem to possess an almost supernatural ability to play games they haven’t even obtained yet. These psychic wonders of humankind will be sat in a room filled with infinite amounts of snack foods and beautiful men or women and asked what the game will be like before it releases.