This Game Idea Will Make You Cry For A Kinect
Ever since we first saw that ever so cute character Milo (I’m not a paedophile) presented to us along with his pet… lion… thing… a few E3 expos ago by none other than Peter “I tell better fables IRL” Molyneux, we’ve all been looking forward to unlocking the true potential of Microsoft’s motion-sensing technology first entitled Project Natal before being renamed to the ingenious Kinect.
For those who don’t know, and I’m totally guessing at this, that mixes the words “kinetic” which refers to motion and “connect” which refers to… oh come on, do keep up. Essentially that means it’s pronounced ‘kai-neck-t’ so I hope that lays the mispronunciations to rest. Stop calling it ‘kin-neck-t’ because that sounds silly. Even if that’s totally the official pronunciation of the word. Meme.
Now the Twitter regulars probably already Follow this person, but some of you might not know that there exists a parody account called PeterMolydeux who regularly tweets the most random, oddball and downright obscure game ideas that leave you wondering just what the fuck your eyes were witness to. Often times I question whether this person is insane or a pure, unrelenting genius. Given my own insanity I tend to tip toward the latter in my assessment.
As such, following on from the inspiration I have acquired through reading this person’s tweets, I’ve come up with my own game idea, something that’s pure, unrelenting genius.
Imagine if you will, the next generation of gaming engines powered by the Xbox 720 or Xbox Next or Xbox 8 or whatever it will be called. This engine dwarfs even the Unreal Engine 4 and Luminous, or whatever that other one is called I’m too lazy to Google. This engine will obviously be developed by Crytek. Let’s call it the CryEngine 4, because that’s the obvious next step for the predominately first-person developer and they’re totally already making a Kinect-enabled action first-person title if I recall.
Now, this next-gen gaming engine will allow you the player to craft highly detailed characters which you will model using your motion sensing technology as well as your controller if you really need to fine-tune those minute aspects. These characters then, created by you the user, will have the highest of high-detail faces that will be so real, you could make out with them and for all intents and purposes you’d think it was the real thing. At least until the static from your television or monitor kicks in.
Hyper realistic faces, but the best part is that they don’t stroll into that realm of uncanny valley like some have accused Mass Effect and Heavy Rain to be guilty of. No, this is proper realism here. Not so much digitally rendered but lifelike beyond measure. Unquestionably the closest thing to real since that girl who told you she loved you. Or guy, you know, whatever.
What do we do with these highly-detailed faces, you ask?
Using the power of Kinect integration and state-of-the-art motion-sensing technology, you would then proceed to cry about it.
Imagine it. Lifelike tears streaming down the most hyper-realistic face ever rendered before you. Not that you’ll be able to see most of it through your own tears, you will be spending the game trying to cry. What’s even better is that you can unlock an array of Achievements to the total of 1,000 GamerScore for collecting famous cries and performing them through Kinect, as well as completing the forty-hour long campaign. That’s forty hours of pure, unadulterated, rated M for Mature, crying in front of your television or monitor. With side quests. And when the tears dry up, you simply download a DLC pack that allows you to cry on for even longer.
Crytek enjoys naming their games after themselves and so let’s call this game CryFace.
CryFace will bring Crytek’s competitors to their knees. It will make them weep. And you the gamer will be crying for more.